I sometimes get nervous when people ask me to mentor them. I feel like it's a trap. Whichever decision I make, I am trapped. If I say yes, I have pulled myself into a relationship that I often have little control over. What are the rules for mentorship, anyway?
If I decline, then there are people who will make me walk the plank. There are those gatekeepers who hold this offensive narrative that every single minute of someone's free time should be spent on volunteering or mentoring.
These days if you explain that you'd rather spend Saturday and Sunday with family, then once again, the gatekeepers will make you walk the plank, just because you have made a choice that does not involve them. When did we give away our power that people have control over every single minute of our time? At the rate that some people volunteer, it is a wonder that they have time for their jobs or family at home?
The reason that I sometimes decline mentoring is because of that. There are few clear guidelines. Sometimes the people I am mentoring are non-communicative and I am pleading with them to follow their goals.
Thankfully, there are times when I mentor people who are hungry. They are so hungry, that they make mentoring a joy. I am also able to share a dedicated time line to our relationship. It may slide into coaching as well. With coaching though, there is usually a fee and it is well-framed and based on specific expertise.
Mentorship, especially in Uganda, is growing, which is good. It means that there is a need for sound leadership and there are dedicated groups of people willing to learn. On that note, if we have dedicated ourselves to lead and guide others, then let us do so when we are able to. It is impractical to mentor over 100 people sometimes three times a week and be effective.
Since it is voluntary, ask yourself if it is the right time for you, if you are resourcefully able to and how long it will last. Take note that there are those who take advantage of experienced leaders and make them fall into this trap of mentoring for the common good, when actually this mentor is exhausted, depleted of all mental and almost physical strength, holding onto the last fragments of their own will.
There are some mentorship spaces that are dynamic and have passed the tests. Girls for Girls Mentorship is one of them, which I follow. I spoke at one of their sessions and my expectations were clear, which was fantastic.
There are many that mentor and both mentees and mentors are able to fully replenish the other. It is good to give of yourself, please do. Only when you actually have something to give and the time to do it.
Take time to rest. We should be celebrated for choosing time to play, to be with family and to work on our own goals. We should spend time dancing, reading, or maybe just laying down and staring into the starlit sky. We don't do that enough.
Here below I was dancing at a wedding in Kigali, December 2024.
Bless!
Bev
