Putting Other People's Feelings Above Your Own, The Parable of The Foolish Five and Fake Humility

On reading Matthew 25 again, about the Parable of the Foolish Five who were unprepared for a most important event. They requested, begged and cajoled for their friends to give them oil to light their own lamps, which thankfully their friends didn't.

Teach children from an early age, that they don't need validation from others.

Had any of the friends given even one ounce of oil to these unprepared individuals, there would not have been sufficient oil left, and the result would have been more Foolish people.

Yesterday I needed to report an incident. I wasn't going to because I felt it could be resolved with maturity. The other person had no intentions of doing that and constantly tore away at my goodwill. After reporting, I'm glad I did, because while I was so keen to put his feelings above mine, from the very start of this interact, he had deliberately acted carelessly, disrespectfully, and spitefully.

Had I given him some oil to light his lamp, my own lamp would have burned out. If I had not reported him, I would have just joined he lot of Foolish people who continually act out in fake humility to please others, who clearly donate two tuppence about them.

There are people who coerce you to work at senseless hours, time which should be spent with family. They convince you it's the work of God, or that Theresa invisible reward if you continue doing hours of volunteer work which leads nowhere. When you arrive home, your lamp is out because you gave out your oil. Your not being humble or wise by putting other people before you and your family. You're actually foolish for giving them your oil, because now your lamp is out.

Choose abundance

Wonder why people do so much and yet there's no fire or light? It's because they gave out all their oil, are groping in the dark with the rest.

I've been there countless times. I lived for validation. It took while before I was able to contrast the truth and the lie. Anyone is able to get out of that place.

I'm grateful that I came out of it and that my lamp continually burns. I'm at the banquet, and that's where you're meant to be as well.

This is a post I wrote three years ago, in 2020, on Facebook

DRESS ME IN DISOBEDIENCE NOW LIES IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

‘Dress me In Disobedience,’ my second poetry collection published in 2022,  took its maiden trip across the Atlantic Ocean to the Library of Congress, the largest library of the world, with books, films, audio documents, and the largest research arm of the U.S Congress.

Before I sent the copies to the African Studies Bookstore, located at the Uganda Museum in Kampala, with gratitude for the support, I leafed through each of the pages to ensure that they were in mint condition. Apart from home, there are several team members that have copies of the book, and sell to willing buyers whenever the occasion arises.

Members of the Babishai Niwe Poetry Foundation team, outside the Uganda Museum in Kampala-headed to Mabira Forest, 2017.

On leafing through the pages, smelling the now faded scent of newly printed books, the musk of dust and ink, which sends an alluring and unforgettable intoxicating feeling, I found a smashed cockroach in between the pages of the poem,’ Dress me In Disobedience.’

I do not know the significance of the smashed cockroach or if I am reading too much into it, that it lay flat, motionless and incapable of causing fright, in between the pages of this particular poem. 

Am I too flick it off and send it along with the other copies, or shall I just keep it aside and research into the movements of cockroaches in libraries?

I choose to set it aside, not for further potential research but to save the reputation of my poetry and of Uganda’s literary establishment.

Did I mention that the Library of Congress is the largest library in the world, with millions of books, audios, films, photographs and manuscripts?

I wonder how many other cockroaches lie between the pages of my life and my dreams, smashed, dead, without my knowledge? Have I become too familiar with where I stash my dreams, ideas and friendships  that cockroaches have laid there for so long and are now dead?

This is the day of my revival. Back to the full realization, manifestation and fulfillment of my dreams that I have stashed for so long.

Great day!

Bev

Listening to emotionally moving poetry at the Storymoja Festival in Nairobi-2014 

(Photo by Dilman Dila)

Eldoret-The Elegance Near The Ugandan Border

 3:30 am is my hour of power and so on arrival in Eldoret at 3:30am, I am immediately satiated with abundance and curiosity.

Bus Car, a service that I become acquainted with when booking my ticket, is efficient, friendly and their drivers are highly professional. They also drive through Malaba, which means that I have a direct route to Eldoret-about eight hours away from Kampala, by road. Contact Rose on +256 704 343205, for bookings.

Photo: Eastleigh Eldoret at 3:30am

This year 2023-2024, is my year of travel across Eastern Africa, to visit friends I have made online. With endless virtual meetings, parties and ceremonies, the time has come for me to make those physical connections.

Eldoret is a principal town in the Rift Valley Region of Kenya and is the capital of Uasin Gishu County. 

My host Dr. Elizabeth Owino, a Doctor of Psychology and lecturer at Moi University with two adult children, on hearing of my visit to Eldoret to see her and another friend Cathy Coyte, invites me to her cosy and warm home. I am open to warmth and kindness. It’s my perpetual weakness.

                        

Even with the excessive adrenaline and energy bursting at the seams, I am not prepared for the cold surge of wind that swims through my jacket and scarves. Gusts of wind are fantastic, on occasion. This particular coldness however, is not a fantasy.  My taxi driver arrives promptly and after an adventurous tour of the town at the tranquil hour of 4am, I am ushered into Liz Owino’s snug and cheerful guest wing. She is even more exuberant in person.

                                                    The guest wing, at Dr. Owino's home

A combination of a warm shower, lemon chai and an agreeable bed, eased me into an inviting and deep sleep. 

Sunday lunch and conversations.

As she cooks away, Liz and I speak of families, career, Toastmasters, which is where we made acquaintance, and I marvel at the artistic ensemble of her sitting room. The cushions, photos, plaques and then feast on her sumptuous lunch, before heading to the town. I experience how important it is to be present. Eating together without the buzz of a phone or the ding of a notification, actually makes the food more gratifying.

It is a pleasant journey across Eldoret, which because of the wide tarmacked roads, and cars free from muddy splashes and scars from bad road users, is not a small town. It’s organised and clean. 

Rupa Mall, larger and more vibrant than the recent malls I have visited, is a definite highlight. It fits with people who have a cosmopolitan lifestyle. A perfect destination for families and friends on Sundays, filled with activity, endless choices of restaurants, children’s play areas and a hotel on the top floor, overlooking the scenery below.

                                                        Rupa Mall-Eldoret

    Dr. Liz and I at Rupa Mall-Eldoret.

The Eldoret Club-for golf players who enjoy the company of other golfers, a space for individuals who desire space away from their weekday lives. I am content, because it is here that my goal is fulfilled. Cathy joins us and it is the thrill of seeing her again, this time with the opportunity to actually talk and listen, hear each other and learn more about one another. Cathy is a person you can talk to for hours and it feels like twenty minutes. Down-to-earth and intentional, I am pleased that I have this chance to talk with her. 

Cathy Coyte  and I at Eldoret Club (Photo credit: Dr. Liz)

It’s a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, without the rush of unnecessary urgency, with only the sound of our conversation.

Supper that evening with Dr. Liz and her husband, a medical doctor, completes the arc of my short and special holiday in Eldoret.

I have begun making bookings for my next Eastern Africa destination.

Bless!

Bev