Stop Ghosting Yourself

Stop Ghosting Yourself

The Oxford Languages online dictionary refers to ghosting as,

the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation

withdrawing from all communication.

We do this to others and we have received the same treatment from them, too.

What we don’t realize is that more often than not, we tend to ghost ourselves.

Every single time you prioritize somebody else’s time over your own, you are not being self-sacrificial,

you are actually ghosting yourself. If you do not give yourself time to nurture your own goals and your

own priorities,

then when you offer yourself up to another person’s task, you will deliver that task with such low

productivity and inwardly,

you will remain bitter. It is a bitterness that manifests over time, all because you were unable to say No,

and check your

priorities.

The false religious doctrine that underscores the importance of being self-sacrificial is actually a selfish

way of

manipulating followers into enslavement, by controlling their time and admonishing them when they

show the slightest

sign of exhaustion. 

This actually belittles the sacrifice that God made when He sent His son down for us. If the greatest

sacrifice was already

made, then why do voluntary organisations, family members, colleagues and friends, still expect us to

lay ourselves down

in the same way?

The next time you offer yourself up to an activity, make sure that you are not abandoning yourself. If

you decide to drop

a friend off at the airport instead of attending your child’s sports day, you have ghosted yourself. 

If you decide to use your meditation time to respond to WhatsApp messages of people who constantly

berate you,

you have ghosted yourself.

When you respond to an unofficial call during a work meeting, you are ghosting yourself.

If you ponder over other people who have ghosted you and start to pine after them, you are ghosting

yourself.

If someone has ghosted you, then leave them to disappear into their haunted house. Why do you leave

your own

abundance and start knocking on the door of a haunted house?

It is crucial to understand that it is not always those who have dropped communication, who are ghosting

you? If you

receive a phone call with dread, and just seeing the caller ID just sends you into immobilization, then

most likely that

person is insufferable and their behaviour makes your skin crawl. If this constantly happens, that person

may already be

in their haunted house. They have built it with their false bravado, incompetence and lack of genuine

friendship. They reside

in it and invite others over with their charm. That charm is like a cobweb. It glistens for a while but soon

it will be destroyed

once someone decides to clean up.

Clean up your life. There are cobwebs everywhere. There are people who extend a hand of assistance,

when

all they want

is to lure you into their web of deceit. Charming on the outside. Their haunted house seems full and

merry. Those people

are actually drunk on toxins.

Flee!

Do not abandon yourself for a facade.

Are you benevolent, self-sacrificial and warm, or are you actually ghosting yourself to please others?

Bless!

Beverley N Nsengiyunva

Kwibuka 30

I was a secondary student in 1994 and while at school, I heard news of the Rwanda genocide.

Unable to grasp the calamitous effect, we spoke about it and I remember writing a story, too. I stood in front of the class and asked if them if they knew that there was a genocide in Rwanda and how we should all empathise. 

The protagonist in my story was a six-year-old girl who sat on an upturned bucket. She wore pigtails and her skipping rope lay beside her. Minding her own business, she is shot and as she keels over, her blood forms a red river in her memory. 

How could I forget that story! It was the only way I could make sense of the genocide.

Ten years later in 2004, I visited Kigali, Rwanda's capital and also the town of Butare, about three hours southwest from the capital. Being my first visit to Rwanda, I stepped off the bus and was almost knocked over by the appealing and handsome men that populated the city. 

How could one city be filled with numerous men of such physical agreeableness! I needed to find an internet cafe at once and email my friends to let them know that not only had I arrived safely in Rwanda but that this country would solve our singleness anxiety.

Staying at a friend's house, everyone made so much effort to be as courteous and engaging as possible. I took walks across the city, made friends with the waiters at Hotel Continental, which is now Serena and marvelled at the tall guard at the entrance, who was easily seven feet tall.

I recall some of the names of the staff; Celeste, Jean-Pierre and Jean-Claude. Walking in the city was a treat. Even though entering the taxis was a bit strange at first, given that passengers entered from the right side and not the left, people were generally calm. It was impossible not to sit with someone for ten minutes and not ask about the genocide.

Upon visiting the Kigali Memorial Centre, which opened that year, the tenth anniversary of the genocide, I could hardly keep it together. The tragedy was recent. The trauma was still palpable. The air was still thickened with unanswered questions and here I stood, reading about first hand encounters of babies being ripped from their mothers' arms and families being torn apart.

There were open graves, commemorating the 100 days that shifted the country in ways nobody could ever comprehend.

There are many countries around the world that have experienced deep-felt tragedy, including Uganda. And yet, every year, I am always cognizant of the Rwanda genocide. 

I have watched films, documentaries and read biographical accounts of it.

On visiting Butare, the National University loomed ahead and I walked into the breathtaking path, from the university gate. There were stately pine trees and benches for students to sit; almost like wonderland. Kind students gave me a tour. 

It was at towards the end of my tour of Butare that somebody asked me if I had noticed the makeshift graveyards. Yes, I had.

And yes, it was impossible to remove myself from this reality, as I tried my best to maintain my tourist stance.

On my numerous visits to Rwanda, I marvel at the growth of Kigali city. Its immaculate and cosmopolitan appeal and the rapid advancements. In 2022, the CHOGM village was one of my best attractions, with bicycles for hire for a city tour or exercise, families taking jogs on Sunday and the spotless roads and pavements.

When I visit a place that sits well with me, in my heart of hearts I know that home is where the heart finds contentment. It's not a place defined by genealogy or surnames, by ancestral grounds or birthplace. It is where the heart finds contentment.

I always look forward to travelling, to find more places where my heart is content.

May we think of the thousands of people who continue to face genocide everyday and pray that the world will become a place where everyone can find a place where their hearts are at rest.

Bless!

Beverley Nambozo Nsengiyunva

Hire Your Own Photographer When you Speak

 It is wise to hire your own photographer, for an event.

When you are invited to speak, emcee, moderate a session or train, any activity that requires you to engage an audience, it is safer and wiser for you to hire your own photographer.

I cannot enumerate how many times I have spoken or trained at huge events and while the organisers promised to share photos, I only receive a measly five photographers, half of which are usually not representative of my work or service.

There are uncountable instances where you will be told that the event organisers have already hired photographers who will certainly share their photos. And indeed, they most likely will. You will be hard pressed to find any that will share more than five photos though, of you and amongst those five, at least three do not portray you in your best element as a speaker.

Use part of the money that they pay you to hire your own photographer and within those photos, they should be able to capture you actually engaging the audience.

It is important to document and archive your public speaking journey. Hire your own photographer.

Great week!

Rich Diction

#Publicspeaking

Richdiction@gmail.com

20s, 30s and 40s

 The next time you seek advice on something pertinent to your life, try seeking it from someone in their twenties, thirties and forties and compare the information.

In my thirties

In my forties

It's quite incredible how a decade of experience shapes our knowledge in vastly different ways. It is fascinating to note how our world views shift over a decade in time.

The preoccupations of most people in their twenties differs in colossal amounts, from someone in their forties.

Even within a week, I find myself growing in thought process and reconsidering a few past ideas and values. How much then, can a decade change us?

Just try it. Seek the same advice from these different categories and you'll be amazed at how time and experience, really does create a mindshift.

Bless!

Beverley

Happy World Poetry Day

 I believe, from studying poetry, engaging poets from all over Africa and studying poetry for my second degree, that poetry is not about the words that you read but about how you feel when you read those words.

This below is one of my favourite poems in the entire world.


I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog –
To tell one’s name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!

By Emily Dickinson.

Happy World Poetry Day.

Playing

 Playing.

From ages 5 to 8, I was extremely shy in class and wouldn't say a word, until it came to sports and games.

That's when my powers, lit by the electrifying touch of the playground would surge through my veins.

I became The Incredible Bev.

Tearing off my outer clothes and showing my Cape, I'd fly across, charging with exuberance.

I see that happening a lot in Team Building.  The unassuming and inconspicuous participant suddenly flaps their wings and shocks everyone.

There's so much that can be learned from playing games.

Firstly, you learn that all the organisational strategic planning, social etiquette and lessons on self development diminish. Suddenly,  it's all about winning and everyone has their teeth in the game.

When divided in teams, members are quick to discern that the big office talkers are not necessarily the most agile.

People's competitiveness reaches its peak when they demand a rematch.

The stakes are high. Tempers flare.

People reorganise their teams. Winning is a must. Nothing else matters. They will roll in the dust, jump on balloons and run the three-legged race to win.

And that's when the highest form of team Building is seen. No need for a planning meeting. Just let them play games. Let them rehash their primary sports.

Playing.

So much can be learned. In order to win, to reach your goals, sometimes you have to get all hard and give it your all, poise and perfection aside.

Bless!

Beverley

Women's Day 2024

Some time in 2021

 As a woman, I have often allowed the people who steered the Titanic to guide me, instead of allowing those who built the ark.

I do not always need professional support. Sometimes, I need support from someone who has crossed the threshold of perfectionism and they are living each day by sound faith and judgement. I need to be guided by the person who is willing to be foolish in the name of wisdom because their heart heard the words of God and they will not compromise.

We must have both kinds of people in our lives. Dr. Myles Munroe said that the most important training that pastors should have is Business Management, so that when they gain access to so much money from tithes and offertory, they are more inclined to manage it properly. Business Management and Leadership are the primary courses that pastors for pastors. 

With all our spiritual ability, add a touch of professionalism, too.

As a woman, you need to hear from the person who has surpassed professionalism and their lives are now accelerated by faith.

The one who built the ark built it to perfection and yet in order to start, it took faith. Faith in the face of folly. Faith in the face of  mockery. That's the person we need to guide us, who is not led by their  title but by something much higher and more powerful.

As a woman, not ever person with the right credentials is supposed to be in my driver's seat. Not everyone with the right speech, is meant to be speaking into my life. It's the person who has crossed that threshold and now their journey is just accelerated by faith, because they are in a place where there is no other option but to live by faith. Professionalism alone, is not enough.

That is the person whom I need to guide me.

Happy Women's Day Y'all women

Beverley Nambozo Nsengiyunva