Satisfying A Hungry Photographer

How many takes for a photographer's satisfaction? 

How many body twists and turns before a photographer tells you that s/he has found the perfect shot, where your eyes carried the right mischief and laughter?

How many times before you learn to smile without inhaling and exhaling deeply?

Is there such a thing as a natural smile?

What is an authentic laugh? Belly laughter? How about men who laugh at women for their misogynistic taste?

How about women who laugh at other women, because their laughter hides their lack of self-esteem? 

Photo by Victor Ehikhamenor, Nigeria 2014.

I want a photographer who will catch me with a million different smiles and styles, from the time I wake up, sometimes certain of my day, vigorous, radiant and full of conviction, at 3am, 4am and any other am.

I want a photographer who will catch me when I wake up unsure, the uncertainty stretching for an hour. How different do I look during both of those times? I want a photographer to tell me that there is no difference in my smile when I am happy or forlorn, that a smile is not the curving of lips but the beating of a heart.

I want a photographer to tell us the truth about when they actually see when they take photos, that most people do not like surprise parties and that brides detest the layers of makeup on their wedding day.

I want a photographer to tell us the truth that the self indulgent person always placing themselves in the middle of photos is terribly insecure and that the reason they are always the last to leave a party is because they are afraid to return home. 

I want a photographer to tell us that in class photographs, the teacher selects whom they will stand next to, because some of the students are sociopathic and even the school counsellor is at their wit's end. The parents choose to pray about it, while leaving their children to the care of nannies, teachers and grandparents.

I want a photographer to tell us that the moment after the photograph, the obvious relief and eagerness to carry on with the day, is the moment that the real photo should be taken.

Beverley N Nsengiyunva, 2023.