Chase The Truth Until The Truth Chases You

 You will chase the truth, until the truth finally chases you

This is me in my twenties. Without children, without  rent to pay or a needy boyfriend to cater to, and yet my twenties were the time when I seemed to carry the greatest burden that I have ever carried in my life. Bullying.

In school, I was never bullied and if I was, for the life of me, I do not remember. I was good at reading, always elected or appointed as a class leader, dormitory leader or head of the school, great at sports and my stage presence was unmatched. Once you have those, school is enjoyable. And so, for the most part, I enjoyed school. In any part of the world, a child who has the above, will enjoy school far more than those who only have academic prowess. And with that, I was never bullied, or if I was, I was unable to recognize it.

In my twenties, life took a turn that stunned me to the core. Being surrounded by Christians my whole life, I was always in safe places, free from scandals and drunk in Jesus. There was only one horrific ordeal, which occurred almost daily. The bullying. I was bullied in my twenties, in a way that was equivalent to hazing.

No matter the faith, environment or organisation, as long as there are people who are deeply insecure, then there will always be bullying.

Why do people bully? They bully those who are different. I have always been different. Even amongst Christians, I just never fit in with those who spent laborious hours gossiping and tearing down precious time with their slander. It made me lonely at times but it created in me a high sense of independence and so I was left out of parties a lot, left out of sleep overs and the like, because I just didn’t fit in.

I was different. In some places where tribe mattered, I would be the only person from the Bamasaaba tribe and always the boldest in the crowd, standing up to people, sometimes Christians twice my age. They were stunned at this inexperienced child, who was not one of them, standing up to challenge them. 

I wasn’t challenging them. I was just pointing out the truth.

That is what made me a target for bullying, because unlike most people in their twenties, I was pursuant of the truth. Deep down, I knew that there would never be a substitute for God. And in everything I did, I sought this truth with every fibre of my being. It was all that mattered. My family did not understand why I was wasting my life away with the things of God and neither did many of my peers. I was bullied in subtle ways, treated like an outcast. I was called a rebel.

I chased the truth so hard like and like a chick, the shell finally cracked and the truth began to chase me.

Twenty years later, I bump into some of my former bullies and I tower over them. Because my foundation was built on what is solid and unbreakable, I see how they crumble. I walk towards them and they still move with uncertainty, with an air of frivolity, vanity and emptiness. 

They still rely on their dwindling fan bases and external validation for truth. Twenty years after. I tower over them and they ask me, how I remained unshakeable.

When I tell them that sometimes difficult situations come my way and I feel like Job, they do not believe me. 

Yet I do face hardships which are unbearable. It will never show because that is not what defines me. I know who I am. That is what defeats any bully, when they meet someone who is secure in who they are.

Deeply fragile, insecure and co-dependent people are scared to stand alone in the crowd because they will disappear. They are afraid to face who they are and work on themselves because they feel worthless.

These bullies are everywhere. As a teenager, I didn’t face bullying. I faced it a lot in my twenties and when I meet my former bullies today, they are miniature versions of their former selves. 

When anyone draws close to their so-called monster, the monster disappears. It is like your eyes are adjusting to the darkness. 

Keep pursuing the truth when you are young and you will enjoy life in colossal amounts when you are older. There is no substitute for the truth.

Bless!

Beverley Nambozo Nsengiyunva